Are you in an abusive relationship?

Relationships: Are you being abused?

Abusive relationships are way too common nowadays. Many people all over the world are being abused on a daily basis, and some people don't even realize it's happening. The most common misconception is, "well, he/she hasn't hit me, so i'm not being abused." WRONG! There is such a thing called emotional/verbal abuse also.

I was with a guy for 3 years, on and off. The beginning of the relationship was great, as they all are. He treated me with respect, bought me nice things, always said exactly what I wanted to hear. He basically made me gain his trust and fall in love with him. After about a year, he slowly started changing. When I wanted to go hang out with some friends instead of him, he'd throw tantrums. At first I thought it was sweet, I actually felt flattered that someone cared so much about me that they wanted to spend every waking moment with me. So i'd apoligize for even suggesting that I go see my friends instead of seeing him. After he realized he had gained control over me, he used it to his advantage. Every little thing i'd do, he'd go crazy over. If for some reason I was busy and couldn't answer my phone when he called, he'd leave me nasty voicemails threatening to break up with me. A little while later, he started the name calling. He would tell me almost on a daily basis that he was the best i'd ever get, and I could never find a guy who would love me the way that he does. He would tell me that all any guy besides him would ever want from me is a piece of ass. He would tell me I was worthless. Why didn't I just end it with him when this all began? Easier said than done. I held out hope that he'd go back to the way he was when we first met and fell in love. And there were quite a few days where he was that sweet, gentle person as he used to be. After 2 years of being with him, I was in way over my head. I was in love with this guy, and couldn't picture my life without him in it. He would go out with his friends, but if I ever even suggested going to see one of mine, he'd get mad and start the name calling. It came to the point where I had to lie to him when I would go see other people. I'd have to tell him I was taking a nap, or visiting a family member. And when I would go out, I always had a big knot in my stomach thinking he'd somehow find out. He would look through my cell phone to read my text messages or go through my call log. He demanded my passwords that I use to go on the internet, to check and see what e-mails I was sending around. And I allowed it, because giving in to him was a lot easier than being cursed at. My friends couldn't stand him, they saw what he was doing to me. They couldn't understand why I was staying in an "abusive" relationship. But it wasn't like that, not to me. I had no idea that he was abusing me, because I thought abuse meant physical. Trust me, the physical will come if you stay long enough. After being with him for 2 1/2 years, and growing so accustomed to his harsh words, he realized it wasn't making much of an impact on me anymore. One day when I was over his house, I told him I needed to get home. He didn't like this very much. He started throwing random objects at me, a few of them hitting me and leaving bruises. That was the night I swore I was done with him. I ended it, came home, and cried for hours on end. The next day, his sweet text messages started coming in. "I'm so sorry, I love you. I didn't mean for anything to hit you, I was just so angry that I didn't know what I was doing. You know i'd never hurt you." Those were the exact words I wanted to hear. I wanted him to tell me he didn't mean to hurt me, I wanted him to explain that he had never meant for anything to hit me. And so, I took him back. I took him back, and endored another 6 months of abuse from him. Finally, after 3 years and many, many bruises, I was able to get out of the relationship. I had finally opened my eyes and saw that I deserve so much better. I don't have any physical scars from him, but the emotional scars are still here, and they probably always will be. It took me a long time to get my self esteem back up, and it's still not the way that it should be. It's been almost 2 years since we've been broken up, yet I still have difficulty trusting new people and opening up. I hear almost on a daily basis how guarded I am and how many walls I have up. That is something that happened as a result of being in an abusive relationship for so long.

If your significant other is threatening you, calling you names, making you feel worthless, then you ARE being abused. They will never change, or revert back to their old ways if that's what you're waiting for. They will only get worse as time goes on, they will only feel more powerful. It may be extremely hard to open your eyes and realize what you're truly dealing with, but nothing good is ever going to come out of staying with someone who treats you so badly. You WILL find someone else. There are millions of people in this world who have respect and will treat you the way that you deserve. It does take awhile to sort out the good from the bad, but it can and will happen if you give it enough of time. You may feel as if leaving that person is more painful than the abuse you're taking, but it's just not true. Of course it will hurt in the beginning. It will hurt like hell, and it will take a lot of will power to truly stay away for good. But after some time has past, I can promise that you will get over it, and you will start to love and enjoy life so much more and realize that you made the best decision you could of ever possibly made.

If anyone is going through any type of situation like this and is in need of some help or support, please feel free to contact me.

Veronica